You know you've been reffing a lot when...

... You hear the Star Spangled Banner and automatically start running through your checklist.  Where's the penalty box?  Which side will my ghost points be sitting on?  I found myself glancing at my wrist (what color is my jammer?) and rubbing my fingertips together (taped for visibility?).  None of this would have been odd if it hadn't have been the opening ceremonies for Relay for Life.

Random observations from the WFTDA Ref Clinic

If a ref hockey stops like a boss, but can’t plow stop in the length of the track, he used to play hockey.  Do Not try and cut this guy in the concession stand line; he will hip check you into next week.

When a ref zooms by people close enough to tangle arm hairs without concern, she does or did bout skate.  If you let her make a ‘demo pack’ with Hockey Stop Guy, make them wear mouth guards, because they Will start bumping and shoving each other.

 If your name is a joke only other gamer geeks will get, you’re more likely to be an NSO … but lots of people on skates will appreciate the joke.

The skaters don’t much care if it’s just a black vs. white scrimmage to give the refs some practice.  They’re Into it and just wanna play some derby. ☺

Zebras, as a herd, care more that one other zebra they respect might disapprove of a call than they do about being told they’re a blind stupid ox by sixteen assorted random fans, skaters, or coaches.

People who will give up a weekend and travel for hours to study up on paperwork and protocols, knowing they won’t even get to skate, are generous souls indeed.  Yay for NSOs!

Among the zebra herd, PATCHES are cooler than MOUSTACHES.  The reverse may be true among bout skaters.

You know you’re at a ref clinic when they rosin the infield and ref lane as carefully as the track.

One marginal call that’s made generates more drama than ten blatant fouls not called.

When WFTDA’s own trainers can’t come to a firm conclusion about how to interpret a clarification…it wasn’t very clear.

In a room full of people with electronic devices, where the ongoing discussion was about a subtle interpretation of a rule … not one could be detected (by a college teacher, mind, who’s used to detecting such things) checking their FB or pinning something on Pinterest.  Now there’s some dedication right there!

Take a Knee!

Take a Knee!

That’s my least favorite phrase in Derby.  With the last two practices including players wearing ice packs, it does get one to wondering…Am I being stupid for putting myself at risk like this?  Is it too dangerous?  (I play as well as ref, which changes the equation somewhat.)
The thing though, is that I know humans are terrible at assessing risk.  We pay way too much attention to what’s immediate and dramatic, and easily ignore what’s more distant or mundane – regardless of the actual threat levels.
I’m also a pathophysiologist.  What kills the most Americans?  Heart disease, diabetes, obesity are three of the top four; and derby helps protect us against all three.  Sure in theory we Could just go to the nice safe gym for the exercise.  We might live to 100 … but it’d feel like 175.  Gym time without the fun and competition as a motivator? D’OH I went and put you all to sleep just reading it!  Plus derby refreshes our vision of what’s possible and brings us confidence, strength, and enthusiasm.  Yeah, I’ll accept an increased risk of injury in trade for all that goodness, any day of the week.
And to tell the whole truth …….tomorrow is Bout Day!  Bout Day!  Bout Day!  and that makes my heart Sing!!  and a singing heart is a good enough reason all by itself. 

While we live, let us LIVE.  See you on the track!

On the Care and Feeding of Zebras

Most zoos, if you fork over extra cash,will give you a behind-the-scenes tour of how they care for and feed their animals.  Welcome to a FREE tour of the various Zebra Zoos!

First, let's just shake the hands of the small teams (who regularly field rosters of less than ten skaters) and send them on their way. These teams really don't have the resources to keep their own zoos. Some of them attract 'wild zeebs' that regularly attend, but if the team is too small to scrimmage, it really has no way to provide the all-important -practice- to train their zeebs.

Of the teams that regularly field a dozen or more on the roster, there's an entire spectrum from ref-hostile to ref-friendly ... And it's not hard to guess where they are.

If a team this size doesn't provide its own jam ref ... Watch that water hole for crocs, zeebs!  The thing about Zeeb zoos in derby is that there aren't any fences. Handing someone a rule book, then having him call a scrimmage and yelling at him whenever a skater doesn't agree with a call is mucky water, scanty grass, and black flies. Any zeeb without a strong affection for the team or some particular skater on it will show his heels and head out; and any that are left are handicapped in learning their trade.

So how does the zoo that is a derby league develop a thriving herd of zeebs?  The same way they develop thriving skaters.  Practice.  Feedback.  Support and encouragement.   It’s really a pleasure to work a scrimmage for a ref-friendly team!  The scrimmages are run pretty much like bouts (extra time-outs for the coaches to do their thing aside); the zeebs work like they would in a bout.  The skaters and coaches don’t gripe about calls while the scrimmage is on but do ask questions and offer suggestions in a friendly way during breaks in the action.  Feedback to help the ref get better without feeling attacked, HOORAY!  (It amazes me how many people who wouldn’t think of hassling a skater for an error don’t hesitate to jump the case of even a brand-new ref over a missed call.)

Don’t like zeebs whose stripes are in Team Colors?  Me neither.  Homer refs are fortunately rare as far as I’ve seen; but they are out there.  Every one I’ve met has come from a team that came across as being on the ‘ref-hostile’ end of the spectrum, too.  It could be a loooooong bus ride home if you knew your teammates were going to be resenting any calls against them.  And while a homer ref does give a team an advantage in a bout … what league wants to develop the rep of violating the First Rule of Derby?

 Hey skaters, tell ya a secret:  We like ya.  ☺  That whole Cold Dead Eyes thing?  Totally game face.  We do the studying and put up with the hassles because we love the sport and the skaters – which makes your friendship and acceptance all kinds of welcome.  Derby <3, Mutant Gene

Some quotes from the Boys and Girls

 “Out of Play?  I’m the JAMMER!!” (an OOP warning had been called, the blocker had immediately raised his arms, ceased contact, and started to decelerate to return to the pack while holding his line….until the jammer lowered his shoulder and launched into the blocker, flattening him).  Yah, I know; I wasn’t following you around pointing a finger at you because I’m a stalker.  I’m your jam ref.  But You Can’t Do That.  You can initiate contact on your opposing jammer anywhere, but not on a blocker who’s OOP.  The blocker exposed his whole chest when he conceded the contact, it is neither safe nor legal to hit him at that time.  Have a seat.

“Her skates didn’t touch off the track!” (a guy had just skated out of bounds, picked up the jammer from behind the wall, swung her around and replaced her on the track in front of the wall). Yep, she skated away penalty-free, with the whole place laughing and cheering her on.  Including the guy who’d moved her, who was skating to the box.  Totally worth it. ☺

“It was a legal target zone!” (from a skater who’d shoved on a blocker’s shoulder-blade until she fell face-first, then stepped over her carcass and skated off).  Skaters, please look again at the diagram of the back-block zone.  The target zone isn’t nearly as big as people like to think.

“It can’t be a penalty; there was no impact!” (about skaters called for skating out of bounds when not in contact).  There’s no impact spectrum on the skating OOB penalty; if a skater goes out of her own volition because she’s trying to maintain or increase speed, it’s a penalty.  I take it that the point is to encourage skaters to keep in control … I called it for the first time ever on a guy who’d slid out into the ref lane on three consecutive passes.  He was later overheard in the box admitting ‘It is a penalty, but I think they’re over-calling it tonight”.

“CUT!!!”  It is just awesome how some of these jammers can feel the skate going over the rope and tilt it so the outside wheels don’t touch while they pull the foot back in.  If I hadn’t been four feet away and staring at the wheels in question I wouldn’t have believed it either.  This stuff is just Sweet to watch.

“Nice job, OPR!”  If this hadn’t come from one of the kinder human beings on the planet, I’d have suspected sarcasm.  Reffing is usually more Birthday Massacre:  “Praise is just an unfamiliar sound to me”.  But that’s only because most skaters Didn’t Do It.  Funny how when I’m bout skating, I Never Did It either. :)

Testing, Testing (Fun with Beta)

What you won’t hear as much under the new rule set:  “Slow Derby Sacks!”

It’s not that slow derby doesn’t Sack.  Seriously, watching people stand behind the pivot line for two minutes could’ve Sacked Rome, it Sacked so much.  It’s just that the one whistle start makes slow starts a heck of a lot less likely.

It didn’t look offhand as if the new starts would cause any paradigm shift in how the game is played.  Both teams wanted blockers on the jam line, but that’s hardly news anymore.

*  Insert crowd cheering noises *

… Legal Disclosure … these observations were made using the Beta rules, as the author is not sufficiently ImPoTant to have seen the final rules but did Boot Camp with the beta rules.  … You are now returned to your regularly scheduled blog.

What you will hear under the new rule set:  “Tweet! Black I81!  CUT!”

It was carnage for those jammers who are used to ‘paying the minor’ to bypass the soul-crushing blocker who knocked them out to gain the advantage.  Plenty of 1 minute vacations were enjoyed by all.  Cutting even one opponent ever, trip to the box.  Cutting two or more teammates, trip to the box.  And jammers (and vocal fans), please keep in mind that if the momentum of a hit forces you out, you are obliged to go behind the hitter even when your hips actually got by them before your trajectory landed you in the ref lane.

What you will see/feel/probably Do under the new rule set:  more physical play.  Elbows, forearms, and backblocks, still in violation of the rules but now ‘No Impact’.  It was rough and tumble out there this weekend, boys and girls.  I hope that doesn’t get out of hand…

What may trip you up: 

Multiplayer blocks:  you don’t get three seconds, or even one, of grace if an opponent is trying to get through.

Direction of play:  Almost everything has been upgraded to a major.

Forearms:  Jammers, any touching of three seconds or more with hands and forearms will be followed by the sound of a whistle, even if you don’t cause movement.  Watch where those hands are when you’re stuck behind the wall.

False start:  If you hear the call without the whistle, stop and let yourself get passed.  The first call wasn’t an impact penalty, but failure to yield will be.

Overall impressions:  Faster, more physical, more likely to be moving counter-clockwise.  Fun!

What could she be thinking?? (A stream-of-thought jam)

What could she be thinking??  (A stream-of-thought jam)

Green, I'm green this half. 

Jammer is B1, how many minors?  Show her two. 

Two black blockers in the box, but one is standing; watch for a side hit on reentry.

First whistle. Gonna jump? No, we’re good.

What's the pack doing? Black wall is front Second Whistle GO!

Through her wall ok

Wow slammed the butt of that blocker!  Wall is immobile; no impact. 

Yeah black blocker, I Did see the back block; if you weren't so freaking solid, it woulda been a penalty.

There’s the blocker out of the box, gets a hit on her to the outside; clean? Yeah.  Did that outside skate go out?  Must have, OPR’s showing me a cut.

“Green, B1, Cut!”

Oh, she’s out again…coming in behind Box-Girl so she’s eligible for lead again…

Worming her way through the wall now, is that a swim?  Can’t tell, no call. 

Through.  Is the other jammer still back there?  Yeah.  Blow two blasts, raise the L, point, skate like stink.

Black in the box?  One, blocker.  Pack coming up, her wall’s back. Oh, she’s hip-whipping by I81, score 1 + ghost, two fingers out behind the back.  Wall’s got her stopped though. 

There goes the other jam ref by me. Tap helmet, “Lapped!”  Oh, green blockers coming through too –INCOMING!!  Room to cut or do I jump? CUT!  Yes, missed her! 

Point at my …where’d she go??  There, knocked down outside.  OPR’s showing No Pass No Penalty, must be for U812 there. 

She’s back in, gonna get can openered..Nope, Black’s hips weren’t moving forward, jammer stumbled back “Black, 007, Direction of Play!” 

She’s ducking through a pair, score two more?  No, that’s I81 again, score one more.  She’s not dropping off either, how far?  One maker line, clean hit…there goes the other jammer … two marker lines “Out of Play!”

Yeah, she pulled right off, let it go, hold up the points…  Are we going to call it? 

Two black blockers back here, There’s the sign, blow four and watch the hips, there’s one and we’re done….don’t do it Black, it’s too late!  Didn’t do it, good.  How’s the box? 

Empty.  Show one.  Scorer shows it back, so we’re good there.  Got to check with the penalty tracker, what’d I have, B1 cut and 007 Direction of Play…

…and who’s coming up to the line?  I’m Green, it’s 1999, how many minors…