Bout Day

As I sit here gearing up my brain for my team’s second bout, I find myself considering what got me into derby in the first place:

People who’d obviously trained their hind parts off but still didn’t take themselves too seriously.

Real warmth and smiles between opponents before and after the whistles.

Fierce competition and hard physical play between the whistles.

A focus on excellence in a highly challenging sport.

Acceptance.  There was no stereotypical ‘best derby player’ type.

Glorious chaos accepted with good humor and a healthy dose of jamnesia.

…and since then the sport has taught me:  Inclusion.  It’s not all about the players on the track.  There is a wide variety of important roles.

My message to myself and my team today:  Let’s go out there and be the excellence we want to see in the world!

The Workings of a Zebra Mind

...and human minds in general.

In my cover identity as a student and teacher of the workings of the human body, I’ve made a study of how we see and make sense of the world.  The truth is:  Our brains lie to us.

It’s not their fault.  They do their best.  Our senses give them limited information and our anatomy limits their processing ability, and they have to instantly construct a complete world view anyway.  To do this, they’ve got to make some stuff up and take some shortcuts.  How they do this and what kinds of problems it can cause has been especially interesting to my zebra persona.  Here’s a “Big Three” of known flaws and how they show up in derby:

“All you see is all there is”:  We tend to make decisions based on the most available information, regardless of it’s the only necessary information. Yes coach, I did see that jammer’s toe tag outside and back in.  But it’s not a cut if the other foot was still straddling.  Neither one of us could see her second foot (that downed blocker is not transparent) but from where the leg is it might have been a straddle.  No call.

Effects of attention.  Watch this video:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJG698U2Mvo
Was that a high block?  Possibly.  But the jammer was trying to sneak by on the outside line on the curve, and I took the high probability problem spot and watched feet and hips.  I’ve had a somewhat harried head ref tell me “Remember to watch Everything!” and it’s a goal I’ll continue to work towards; but my brain doesn’t wanna.  

“We see what we want to see”:  Humans love to be right.  One of the best ways to feel you were right is to focus on information that supports our views and overlook information that challenges it.  So we do that.  I recently sat with an off-duty zebra who was watching his love’s team play.  Under his breath, he accurately reported every call he saw.  He identified the same calls as I did against his love’s opponents – and none of them that I saw against his love’s team.

Do I suffer from these flaws?  Of course.  I’m human, and I have a human brain (naysayers to the contrary).  What to do about them?

1)   Know they exist and undermine their power.  I’ve worked with the zeeb who saw
only his love’s opponents’ flaws; during a bout when he’s got his game face on he calls points and penalties with beautiful fairness.  That’s a triumph of forcing his
attention on the action, not on what he wants to see.

Intentional approaches – such as remembering to scan head to toe even if track cuts are the most likely problem right this second – can keep us out of mental traps.  I intentionally run through the phases (Did I see initiation, action, impact?)before the whistle’s blown.  It slows me down half a second, but helps assure I didn’t fall for ‘what you see is all there is’.

I avoid learning biasing information (what the score is, which player has a history     of free-roaming elbows) as much as possible.  If I don’t have expectations, my brain will have to rely on actual sensory information instead.

2)  Have ‘no skin in the game’.  One big advantage I have is that the team I really care
about most, I skate (not ref) for.  I almost always like both teams at bouts I ref, or am inclined to like them.  I really don’t care a fig who wins.   That takes the wind out of the ‘see what you want to see’ effect.  Too bad the people yelling at the refs
don’t have this advantage…

3)  Keep in mind that Everybody in this game has a human mind.  Therefore, each and every one of us is prone to these errors.  We know you’re awesome, we love you, you Are special, but this means you too.  So retain a healthy lack of complete confidence in your own perceptions, please.

The Day I Saw a Dinosaur

Eighteen bouts this past month, in stripes.  Those tourneys will Really rack them up!  I've always loved that derby is a study in contrasts:  Demanding and accepting, competitive and friendly.  Nothing shows these contrasts more clearly than tournaments.

I've been reffing just over a year now, and I marvel at how much the game has changed in that time.  Both the zebra and the player in me very much approve of a lot of it!  No minors...I was on the fence on this one, liking the simplicity but a little worried the violence would get out of hand.  It didn't.  The rules changes that speeded up the game?  THANK YOU for those!  It's true that never until a month ago had I seen a jammer on her -1 pass, but that move doesn't Feel slow, so it doesn't count.

Some other changes, not as good.  I've always despised the rankings systems that discourage good sportsmanship (by rewarding Giant point differentials), and WFTDA's gone that way.  The ranking system also makes it hard for not-very-good WFTDA teams to find opponents, because it's better for the rankings for a weak team to lose to a good team than to beat an even weaker team.  Let's not shut people out from playing, k?  It's really not all about winning championships.

I love being part of such a vital sport; a movement in motion.

What brought this up?  This weekend, I saw a real live dinosaur.  Saw it with my own two eyes.  And a crafty dino it was too, finagling one of its opponents into a one-minute vacation in the scenic Sin Bin.

I saw a pivot line up ... (wait for it)... ON THE PIVOT LINE!  And then ... she leaned wayyyyy back so her hips were as far back from it as her leg could reach.  And one of the opposing blockers lined up with her hips ahead of the pivot's.  And failed to yield when warned.  Boom.

Yeah.  Seeing a move that was common less than a year ago felt like a complete Blast from the Past, and blind-sided a player who may have never even Seen a pivot on the line before.  Here's to Lack of Fossilization!

You know you've been reffing a lot when...

... You hear the Star Spangled Banner and automatically start running through your checklist.  Where's the penalty box?  Which side will my ghost points be sitting on?  I found myself glancing at my wrist (what color is my jammer?) and rubbing my fingertips together (taped for visibility?).  None of this would have been odd if it hadn't have been the opening ceremonies for Relay for Life.

Random observations from the WFTDA Ref Clinic

If a ref hockey stops like a boss, but can’t plow stop in the length of the track, he used to play hockey.  Do Not try and cut this guy in the concession stand line; he will hip check you into next week.

When a ref zooms by people close enough to tangle arm hairs without concern, she does or did bout skate.  If you let her make a ‘demo pack’ with Hockey Stop Guy, make them wear mouth guards, because they Will start bumping and shoving each other.

 If your name is a joke only other gamer geeks will get, you’re more likely to be an NSO … but lots of people on skates will appreciate the joke.

The skaters don’t much care if it’s just a black vs. white scrimmage to give the refs some practice.  They’re Into it and just wanna play some derby. ☺

Zebras, as a herd, care more that one other zebra they respect might disapprove of a call than they do about being told they’re a blind stupid ox by sixteen assorted random fans, skaters, or coaches.

People who will give up a weekend and travel for hours to study up on paperwork and protocols, knowing they won’t even get to skate, are generous souls indeed.  Yay for NSOs!

Among the zebra herd, PATCHES are cooler than MOUSTACHES.  The reverse may be true among bout skaters.

You know you’re at a ref clinic when they rosin the infield and ref lane as carefully as the track.

One marginal call that’s made generates more drama than ten blatant fouls not called.

When WFTDA’s own trainers can’t come to a firm conclusion about how to interpret a clarification…it wasn’t very clear.

In a room full of people with electronic devices, where the ongoing discussion was about a subtle interpretation of a rule … not one could be detected (by a college teacher, mind, who’s used to detecting such things) checking their FB or pinning something on Pinterest.  Now there’s some dedication right there!

Take a Knee!

Take a Knee!

That’s my least favorite phrase in Derby.  With the last two practices including players wearing ice packs, it does get one to wondering…Am I being stupid for putting myself at risk like this?  Is it too dangerous?  (I play as well as ref, which changes the equation somewhat.)
The thing though, is that I know humans are terrible at assessing risk.  We pay way too much attention to what’s immediate and dramatic, and easily ignore what’s more distant or mundane – regardless of the actual threat levels.
I’m also a pathophysiologist.  What kills the most Americans?  Heart disease, diabetes, obesity are three of the top four; and derby helps protect us against all three.  Sure in theory we Could just go to the nice safe gym for the exercise.  We might live to 100 … but it’d feel like 175.  Gym time without the fun and competition as a motivator? D’OH I went and put you all to sleep just reading it!  Plus derby refreshes our vision of what’s possible and brings us confidence, strength, and enthusiasm.  Yeah, I’ll accept an increased risk of injury in trade for all that goodness, any day of the week.
And to tell the whole truth …….tomorrow is Bout Day!  Bout Day!  Bout Day!  and that makes my heart Sing!!  and a singing heart is a good enough reason all by itself. 

While we live, let us LIVE.  See you on the track!

On the Care and Feeding of Zebras

Most zoos, if you fork over extra cash,will give you a behind-the-scenes tour of how they care for and feed their animals.  Welcome to a FREE tour of the various Zebra Zoos!

First, let's just shake the hands of the small teams (who regularly field rosters of less than ten skaters) and send them on their way. These teams really don't have the resources to keep their own zoos. Some of them attract 'wild zeebs' that regularly attend, but if the team is too small to scrimmage, it really has no way to provide the all-important -practice- to train their zeebs.

Of the teams that regularly field a dozen or more on the roster, there's an entire spectrum from ref-hostile to ref-friendly ... And it's not hard to guess where they are.

If a team this size doesn't provide its own jam ref ... Watch that water hole for crocs, zeebs!  The thing about Zeeb zoos in derby is that there aren't any fences. Handing someone a rule book, then having him call a scrimmage and yelling at him whenever a skater doesn't agree with a call is mucky water, scanty grass, and black flies. Any zeeb without a strong affection for the team or some particular skater on it will show his heels and head out; and any that are left are handicapped in learning their trade.

So how does the zoo that is a derby league develop a thriving herd of zeebs?  The same way they develop thriving skaters.  Practice.  Feedback.  Support and encouragement.   It’s really a pleasure to work a scrimmage for a ref-friendly team!  The scrimmages are run pretty much like bouts (extra time-outs for the coaches to do their thing aside); the zeebs work like they would in a bout.  The skaters and coaches don’t gripe about calls while the scrimmage is on but do ask questions and offer suggestions in a friendly way during breaks in the action.  Feedback to help the ref get better without feeling attacked, HOORAY!  (It amazes me how many people who wouldn’t think of hassling a skater for an error don’t hesitate to jump the case of even a brand-new ref over a missed call.)

Don’t like zeebs whose stripes are in Team Colors?  Me neither.  Homer refs are fortunately rare as far as I’ve seen; but they are out there.  Every one I’ve met has come from a team that came across as being on the ‘ref-hostile’ end of the spectrum, too.  It could be a loooooong bus ride home if you knew your teammates were going to be resenting any calls against them.  And while a homer ref does give a team an advantage in a bout … what league wants to develop the rep of violating the First Rule of Derby?

 Hey skaters, tell ya a secret:  We like ya.  ☺  That whole Cold Dead Eyes thing?  Totally game face.  We do the studying and put up with the hassles because we love the sport and the skaters – which makes your friendship and acceptance all kinds of welcome.  Derby <3, Mutant Gene

Some quotes from the Boys and Girls

 “Out of Play?  I’m the JAMMER!!” (an OOP warning had been called, the blocker had immediately raised his arms, ceased contact, and started to decelerate to return to the pack while holding his line….until the jammer lowered his shoulder and launched into the blocker, flattening him).  Yah, I know; I wasn’t following you around pointing a finger at you because I’m a stalker.  I’m your jam ref.  But You Can’t Do That.  You can initiate contact on your opposing jammer anywhere, but not on a blocker who’s OOP.  The blocker exposed his whole chest when he conceded the contact, it is neither safe nor legal to hit him at that time.  Have a seat.

“Her skates didn’t touch off the track!” (a guy had just skated out of bounds, picked up the jammer from behind the wall, swung her around and replaced her on the track in front of the wall). Yep, she skated away penalty-free, with the whole place laughing and cheering her on.  Including the guy who’d moved her, who was skating to the box.  Totally worth it. ☺

“It was a legal target zone!” (from a skater who’d shoved on a blocker’s shoulder-blade until she fell face-first, then stepped over her carcass and skated off).  Skaters, please look again at the diagram of the back-block zone.  The target zone isn’t nearly as big as people like to think.

“It can’t be a penalty; there was no impact!” (about skaters called for skating out of bounds when not in contact).  There’s no impact spectrum on the skating OOB penalty; if a skater goes out of her own volition because she’s trying to maintain or increase speed, it’s a penalty.  I take it that the point is to encourage skaters to keep in control … I called it for the first time ever on a guy who’d slid out into the ref lane on three consecutive passes.  He was later overheard in the box admitting ‘It is a penalty, but I think they’re over-calling it tonight”.

“CUT!!!”  It is just awesome how some of these jammers can feel the skate going over the rope and tilt it so the outside wheels don’t touch while they pull the foot back in.  If I hadn’t been four feet away and staring at the wheels in question I wouldn’t have believed it either.  This stuff is just Sweet to watch.

“Nice job, OPR!”  If this hadn’t come from one of the kinder human beings on the planet, I’d have suspected sarcasm.  Reffing is usually more Birthday Massacre:  “Praise is just an unfamiliar sound to me”.  But that’s only because most skaters Didn’t Do It.  Funny how when I’m bout skating, I Never Did It either. :)

Testing, Testing (Fun with Beta)

What you won’t hear as much under the new rule set:  “Slow Derby Sacks!”

It’s not that slow derby doesn’t Sack.  Seriously, watching people stand behind the pivot line for two minutes could’ve Sacked Rome, it Sacked so much.  It’s just that the one whistle start makes slow starts a heck of a lot less likely.

It didn’t look offhand as if the new starts would cause any paradigm shift in how the game is played.  Both teams wanted blockers on the jam line, but that’s hardly news anymore.

*  Insert crowd cheering noises *

… Legal Disclosure … these observations were made using the Beta rules, as the author is not sufficiently ImPoTant to have seen the final rules but did Boot Camp with the beta rules.  … You are now returned to your regularly scheduled blog.

What you will hear under the new rule set:  “Tweet! Black I81!  CUT!”

It was carnage for those jammers who are used to ‘paying the minor’ to bypass the soul-crushing blocker who knocked them out to gain the advantage.  Plenty of 1 minute vacations were enjoyed by all.  Cutting even one opponent ever, trip to the box.  Cutting two or more teammates, trip to the box.  And jammers (and vocal fans), please keep in mind that if the momentum of a hit forces you out, you are obliged to go behind the hitter even when your hips actually got by them before your trajectory landed you in the ref lane.

What you will see/feel/probably Do under the new rule set:  more physical play.  Elbows, forearms, and backblocks, still in violation of the rules but now ‘No Impact’.  It was rough and tumble out there this weekend, boys and girls.  I hope that doesn’t get out of hand…

What may trip you up: 

Multiplayer blocks:  you don’t get three seconds, or even one, of grace if an opponent is trying to get through.

Direction of play:  Almost everything has been upgraded to a major.

Forearms:  Jammers, any touching of three seconds or more with hands and forearms will be followed by the sound of a whistle, even if you don’t cause movement.  Watch where those hands are when you’re stuck behind the wall.

False start:  If you hear the call without the whistle, stop and let yourself get passed.  The first call wasn’t an impact penalty, but failure to yield will be.

Overall impressions:  Faster, more physical, more likely to be moving counter-clockwise.  Fun!

What could she be thinking?? (A stream-of-thought jam)

What could she be thinking??  (A stream-of-thought jam)

Green, I'm green this half. 

Jammer is B1, how many minors?  Show her two. 

Two black blockers in the box, but one is standing; watch for a side hit on reentry.

First whistle. Gonna jump? No, we’re good.

What's the pack doing? Black wall is front Second Whistle GO!

Through her wall ok

Wow slammed the butt of that blocker!  Wall is immobile; no impact. 

Yeah black blocker, I Did see the back block; if you weren't so freaking solid, it woulda been a penalty.

There’s the blocker out of the box, gets a hit on her to the outside; clean? Yeah.  Did that outside skate go out?  Must have, OPR’s showing me a cut.

“Green, B1, Cut!”

Oh, she’s out again…coming in behind Box-Girl so she’s eligible for lead again…

Worming her way through the wall now, is that a swim?  Can’t tell, no call. 

Through.  Is the other jammer still back there?  Yeah.  Blow two blasts, raise the L, point, skate like stink.

Black in the box?  One, blocker.  Pack coming up, her wall’s back. Oh, she’s hip-whipping by I81, score 1 + ghost, two fingers out behind the back.  Wall’s got her stopped though. 

There goes the other jam ref by me. Tap helmet, “Lapped!”  Oh, green blockers coming through too –INCOMING!!  Room to cut or do I jump? CUT!  Yes, missed her! 

Point at my …where’d she go??  There, knocked down outside.  OPR’s showing No Pass No Penalty, must be for U812 there. 

She’s back in, gonna get can openered..Nope, Black’s hips weren’t moving forward, jammer stumbled back “Black, 007, Direction of Play!” 

She’s ducking through a pair, score two more?  No, that’s I81 again, score one more.  She’s not dropping off either, how far?  One maker line, clean hit…there goes the other jammer … two marker lines “Out of Play!”

Yeah, she pulled right off, let it go, hold up the points…  Are we going to call it? 

Two black blockers back here, There’s the sign, blow four and watch the hips, there’s one and we’re done….don’t do it Black, it’s too late!  Didn’t do it, good.  How’s the box? 

Empty.  Show one.  Scorer shows it back, so we’re good there.  Got to check with the penalty tracker, what’d I have, B1 cut and 007 Direction of Play…

…and who’s coming up to the line?  I’m Green, it’s 1999, how many minors…

Stripes as Camouflage

I don’t watch the score while I’m reffing, but based on the noise level from the crowd, either Godzilla was ripping the roof off of the building, or the score was close.  One captain had just called a time-out to stop the clock with three seconds left.  I watch my jammer intently, with only one goal and one thought in my head.  Goal: Call it right.  Thought:  Please do Not let this game rest on a call I make or don’t make.

It’s not a good feeling, making a call that might end up being –the- call.  I’ve spent the 30 seconds between jams hearing a team pump up their jammer with how this one could be The Big Power Jam, then seen the jammer send a blocker sprawling and sent her off, swinging the advantage 180 degrees.  I was comforted by the certainty of that call, knew I was the tool (yeah, pun intended) of Justice rather than the capricious hand of Luck, but still, not fun.

Zebras wear stripes as camouflage in the wild.  When I’m zeebing, I can’t be entirely invisible. (Did anyone get a pic of me jumping waving arms and screaming at the jammer heading to the box?  I’d called a minor on her just as another ref had blown a major right next to me and the skater had thought them one call…..) I do hope to be just a part of the machinery of the game rather than affecting the outcome though.  Keep the game clean, count the points, and have the skaters decide the important stuff via impressive teamwork and dazzling footwork:  Yeah, that’s the ticket!

This time, my fellow jam ref stood up and took the heat.  One way or the other, the bout would be decided on the final jam.  His jammer (who was from the team the guy had travelled with) knew if she got lead she could call it for the victory … so she pushed hard.  Too hard.  MMajor cut, with two capital Ms.  (I didn’t see it, but even That Guy who’d been yelling at us all night just called out - Oh Shoot I think he said? – before the call could get out.  Apparently everybody but me saw that one.)  And my fellow ref called it.  I got to sail around in fast circles doing unremarkable things until the final whistle blew and the joint erupted in home-town Victory.  The other jam ref watched the chaos with a tiny shake of his head.  He’d done it right – but it was going to be a long ride home.  Way to be, Zeeb!

As for my jammer -- it was sure a Major Jam in other senses, but thank you for making it a ‘no major’ jam in Zeeb-World.

...and then there were none.

        The skater barged into the ref changing room after the bout, pushed her face up to the head ref, and ground out “You’ll never work here again!”

        If there hadn’t been so much bad feeling in the statement, I would have laughed.  Her team will never again ask that zeeb to drive several hours, spend three hours setting up their track, then two hours calling the rule set the team wanted to use while getting yelled at and harassed, then another long drive home….for the princely sum of Nada?  Did she expect the head zeeb to be crushed at being deprived of that privilege in the future?

        Enough.  I’ve been deeply involved in derby for a little less than a year now, but I’ve already seen more than half a dozen referees or referees in training turn away from the stripes because they didn’t care to spend their free time helping out other skaters and getting screamed at in return.  And that, good derby peeps, is enough and more than enough. 

        Do referees make mistakes?  Absolutely, in the chaos that is derby it is inevitable.  Do some referees make a lot of mistakes?  I suspect nobody’s very good at it to start with; under-calling in particular is rampant until the ref gets some experience to be more sure of what she’s seeing.  Do referees make as many mistakes as skaters and coaches believe?  As the old Magic 8-Balls would say “Decidedly No”.  I’ve been yelled at and had reviews done over calls the video later supported me on clearly, but THANK YOU there is no instant replay in derby.  

        What then a skater or a coach to do when she’s been wronged?  Yell at ‘em of course; curse the scurvy dogs and may the fleas of a thousand camels infest their armpits!!!!  So how’s that working for us?
        Emotional tension relieved immediately:  Check
        Referee actually changes the call:  Never seen it happen 
        Referee encouraged to watch that more closely in the future:
                a)  Check … but a coach’s talk with the head ref accomplishes the same thing                            without the bad manners and bad karma 
                or b)  No effect, other than the previously mentioned bad karma
                or c)  Ref is of a temperament to resent the attempt to manipulate and actively
                        resists (Yeah, that shouldn’t happen either, but oddly in this world zebras
                        are people – and can the screamer reasonably complain about that?)
        Referee cowed and makes more favorable calls for the Best Screamer’s team for the rest
        of the bout:
                a)  [Most common] Very No. Thick skin is common in the older zebras in the herd. 
                or b)  Yes, but this makes the cowed ref feel bullied (because, well, that’s what it
                        was) and said zeeb never volunteers again.  Congratulations, the screamer
                        just got a few favorable calls, and only had to pay the lifetime services of
                        one official to get them!  Bargain…right???
                or c)  Yes, and the cowed zeeb spends most of the rest of Zeeb Time skating in
                        circles, looking concerned, and calling very little.  Not much better than b)
                or d)   [Rarest breed, thankfully]  Yes, and zeeb becomes a permanent homer,
                        degrading the derby experience for all who come in contact.

        Please people, be nice. Derby is better with good refs – safer, more fair, more fun for everyone.   Unless they have other strong personal motivators, people of the strength of will to make good refs are not going to long tolerate offering a valuable service and getting abuse in return.   When I’m skating a bout, I get the fun of competition and of knocking the heck out of some chick (or being the chick that goes tumbling) and having both of us grin and congratulate each other at the after-party.  We don’t get that while zeebing; and sometimes team members have been so hostile I wasn’t even sure of my welcome if I’d’ve gone to the after-party.  Understand that most of the striped herd is trying hard to call a fair bout; and we’re doing it for the sport and the teams.  Getting well treated in return is not only What’s Right – it’s What’s Necessary to keep a healthy and skilled herd.

Catch of the Day: Coaches

        I just heard that a friend of mine has taken over the coaching of her team.  I’m thrilled for her and for the team!  She knows her derby and knows how to guide people into putting that knowledge to good use on the circuit – but just as importantly, she’s a fair-minded person who treats people with respect.  That is a great catch, as coaches go.
        I’m fortunate that all of the teams I’ve been closely associated with have made very ‘good catches’ as coaches, but there is a wide variety of species swimming through the derby world.  (Please note:  English grammar demands I pick a gender for my pronouns.  Don’t read any more into my choices than that, as each species comes in multiple genders in Nature’s usual way.)
        Perhaps the most distinctive common species is Coach Right.  He’s always right.  About everything. He knows the perfect interpretation of every rule in every situation … in fact, he knows how the rules should have been written in the first place, far better than those losers at WFTDA or MRDA or USARS or whatever.  He instantly deduces the perfect strategy in every situation.  If everyone just followed his advice, the world would be a perfect place.  And how easy it would be to follow his wisdom, because he shares it So Freely!  Anyone who disagrees on any point is clearly a moron.  I guess I should stop writing about him now, since I’m too much of a moron to understand his greatness.
        Maybe you’ve met the character I call Coach Mayor.  She’s named after the Mayor in The Nightmare Before Christmas – you know, the one with two faces?  She must want people to think she’s nice, because she Is very nice to refs, fans, and casual acquaintances.  But…Hello?  Coach, we can hear you screaming insults at your skaters.  And may I point out that yelling “You suck!  You’re useless!  That sucked!” repeatedly is Not useful feedback?  Blockers understand that when they keep seeing the opposing jammer’s backside lap after lap, it sucks.  We’d really appreciate hearing something that would help us Stop it.
        What I don’t get about Coach Mayor how she keeps skaters within shouting distance.  I’d last about half a practice; there is no way I’m spending my free time being belittled and screamed at even if Coach Mayor has the best derby brain in twenty states and can leap a whole pack in a single bound.  Heck, Quadzilla can do that plus be a nice guy and good coach.  Cut the line on this catch and let it keep the hook as you slide it back into the sea; it’s poisonous.
        Fortunately, Coach Bliss seems to be pretty rare.  His full name is Ignorance Iz Bliss.  You can see knowledgeable people are talking to Coach Bliss when they spend half the conversation with their heads cocked to one side like a puzzled dog.  You can almost hear their thought:  “Really??  You think that?”  I heard one of the skaters ask why the other team would scrum start; what’s the point?  Coach Bliss informed her that it was so the jammers could step out of bounds and cut the entire pack without penalty – without a pack there’s no cutting calls!  Ooooooohhhhhhhhh… yah, I didn’t know that.  Really??
        Coach Deerin Headlights doesn’t know much about the game yet either, but she’s usually coaxed into her position by a team member (probably captain) who is effectively coaching herself.  Deerin may end up being a great catch or not, but there’s no harm done either way.  Similarly, the catch may include species that never skated, that speed or hockey or figure skate, that were team stars or marginal bouters; that specialize in challenging or specialize in supporting; that manage every detail or believe in letting the skaters self-manage where possible; that are the face of the team or go forth in camo.  The variety makes for better flavor overall, but you don’t know if you’ve got a keeper or not until you know more about them than that.  Don’t know if you’ve got a keeper?  People, there are lots of very fine fish in this sea.  Most of the coaches I’ve had contact with are, in fact, keepers.  Yeah, judging people by their individual merits….that’s an idea.

It's All in the Angle

        We’re stripping soggy pads off after practice and considering who was getting too generous with elbows in the last drill.  One skater (I’ll call her Boomer in the spirit of changing names to protect the innocent) is reminded that she has no idea why she kept getting called for major forearms in the last bout.  She was hitting clean!
        Oh, I’ve got this one.  I’ve skated with her and I’ve reffed a bout she played, and this one I can explain.  You see, when Boomer hits, the force starts somewhere near her ankles and gets magnified on the way up, exploding into the lucky recipient through Boomer’s shoulder.  It’s a good, hard, clean hit.  But I’ve also noticed (while tumbling sideways to land on the infield) that Boomer’s forearm travels along with me for a bit to see me off.  It’s not really adding any force; it’s just barely touching, so Boomer doesn’t even notice the contact amidst the chaos.
        From the ref lane, what one sees is “Jammer falls over while in contact with forearm of Blocker” (usually with a big grin on Blocker’s face).  Unless the ref is paying particular attention to what part of Blocker is making contact when Jammer begins her trajectory, it looks exceptionally like Forearm, Major.
        The dual perspective, having experienced the hit and having watched the hit with the zebra’s eye, helped me understand what was going on – and now gives Boomer what she needs to know to reduce her one minute vacations.  Rostered skaters and zeebs see the same action from different angles, and each one can inform the other.  Plus, it’s just interesting to see how the other half lives.  In short, it’s worth going out of your way to take a look at derby from the other side of the fence.
        If you’re a rostered skater, take a night and skate a ref’s position during a scrimmage.  C’mon, you know those ribs aren’t going to heal right unless you give them a little time off anyway!  The first time I just watched a bout after beginning to ref, I was amazed at how much easier it was to see the action…….as a spectator.  Apparently that whole thing of watching while skating at high speed backwards and sideways and every which way, mohawking several times a minute, dodging jammers being blocked into your path, shouting and gesticulating to indicate penalties, and having returning miscreants whizzing by to get back to the pack ends up being a bit distracting.  However, each ref position does have a few particular things that ref is situated to see better than anyone else.  Skate them, and understand what the ref’s seeing.
        For refs, it becomes a little more complicated.  Some of us have on-track skills that put most rostered skaters to shame (ok, I’m using ‘us’ loosely there).  Others of us aren’t all amazeballs, but are fine to step into a scrimmage and get the point of view.  Those elbows don’t feel like ‘no impact’ when they’re impacting your ribs; maybe that’s why people are always screaming at you about them.  Some of us don’t bout skate and shouldn’t scrimmage…but it would still be valuable to play in a ‘positional blocking only’ scrimmage, or put on a bright yellow ‘don’t hit me’ shirt and skate in the pack as an inside observer (call it a spy if that gets your juices flowing!).
        It’s a different world, a world that impacts your normal haunts, and it’s right there…why not take a look?  If we were all that fond of staying in our little boxes, we wouldn’t be in derby, right?

[Disclaimer … this post does reveal one of the purposes of this blog; to encourage mutual understanding across the zeeb/skater fence.]

The Wholly Trinity

The Wholly Trinity

        The ninety-pound jammer – maybe her name is Bugsy – rounds the corner and darts toward an opening on the line.  At the last moment the blocker – Wind Shield I think her name is? – steps over to close it. SPLAT!! as Bugsy slams Wind Shield from behind.  I draw in a lungful of air as I bring my whistle up, thinking “That’s a …….” … The whistle drops and lungs soundlessly deflate as I finish the thought.  “…..no impact.”  Wind Shield has a feral grin on her face, but her skates roll right along as if Bugsy was in another state.  “Can’t you SEE that back-block? Really?” screams an indignant voice from the crowd.  I sure did see it (it looked kinda painful for Bugsy in fact), but 2/3 of a foul is not a call.
        Later on in the same bout, I turn from reporting a call to the outside white-board NSO to see a jammer flying sideways in the air and landing heavily.  She’s twenty-five feet in front of the pack and the only skater near her is the opposing pivot, who is turning back to return to the pack as she watches the jammer hop up.  I keep my eyes on the action.  Another shout from the crowd, maybe the same voice, “Are you SERIOUS?  Did nobody see that??”  I feel for the shouter’s frustration – I have a very strong suspicion the pivot just got away with an Out of Play Major --  but I make no call.  I don’t have The Wholly Trinity.
        Initiation.  Action.  Effect.  All I ask, my very first head ref told us, is that if I get questioned on this call you can tell me what was going on when it started, what happened, and what the outcome was.  The Trinity has been preached at every ref briefing I’ve been to since, and I am a confirmed believer.  If you don’t have all three, you don’t make the call.
        I know it means the refs make less calls, and skaters get away with things that madden their opponents.  Yeah, I see that front wall holding on to each other, but the jammer is hunkered down hiding behind them and I can’t see where she is to know she’s being impeded. The jammer complains that they’re linking elbows in the middle of the pack so she can’t get through and I believe her … but I also can’t see it among the shifting horde of bodies.  Good old Bugsy made a major, top quality hit smack on Wind Shield’s backside, and I don’t blame Wind Shield for getting tired of that as it happens again and again over the course of the bout; but as Wind Shield’s rolling along undisturbed, it’s a No Impact back block.  Yes, some players make intentional use of it, knowing what’s hard to see and taking advantage when they’re shielded inside the pack.  One blocker even admitted she scouted the blind spots in a venue with pillars blocking the ref lane’s line of sight and systematically used her elbows just in the blind spots.  All I can do is keep my eyes peeled, and hope I catch enough of those sneaky moves to make the players judge them to be too expensive.  And of course, be glad that if somebody’s going to be that mean-spirited, she’s playing derby against tough women who can stand up for themselves instead of being off kicking helpless puppies somewhere.
        Really though, would we want it any other way?  I remember how indignant it made me when a jammer slammed me from behind (I am a rostered skater on my own team, and ref for others as needs and availability match up) so I plowed into the blocker in front of me.  The opposing blocker and I went down in a heap, the slippery agile jammer danced away, and I got sent to the box for a major back block:  Oh, the injustice of it all! 
        Derby is chaos.  The zeebs are never going to catch it all, and missing potential calls is better than making unjust ones, so long as safety isn’t compromised.  Therefore I remain a disciple of the gospel:  Initiation, Action, and Effect; or no call.